The Excel Name Conflict Incident (13.03.2024)
One of the worst day of my life happens when things aren't within my control. Things that are beyond my control and things are unexpected to happen.
I found this temporary of "sadness" has giving me nothing but failure in life. I failed and I was never even perfect at myself but I am blessed with everything in my life. Just having a rough time to get things done. How should I say this? Panic Attack YES. Crying a river? ALMOST. What else? Giving up? HELL NO.
For the last time of being panic it was last year's incident where I need to finish a duty before my September 2023 trip. I was looking forward for it until this layout created a heavy burden I have (not suppose) to carry. Luckily, I went straight to the Boss, asked opinions and informed that I can't make it since the content of each layout is too much to handle. (I even estimated at least 3 weeks to finished it.) Looks like they refused to stop and decided to continue by themselves although I already warned them that it is time consuming and selfish to finish it all at once.
Let's skip that unfortunate story Please... I am sick to look it back
Regarding the Excel Name Conflict...
I was doing my work at office and decided to continue at home so that I could check and hand in to the manager on the next day. While preparing the layout, I have to prepare for the upcoming External Audit which will be in few days (2 days audit). I spend some time, doing a bit of filing and labelling on, archived register list and continue the layout of the tender project. Sadly, I unable to give my 100% of helping to finish the CFI filings and apologise to my boss.
At 6.05pm, I went home straight for iftar and to continue my work as usual. My expectation is to finish the layout and to proofreading tomorrow morning and pass to another manager before lunch hour. I have organise my own schedule in my mind and I can't write it down to navigate things like normal people do. But it only works if I have lots of full plates on my table and so I'll list it down in bullet points and update the progress when done.
The main thing is I want to finish my work and so I can do another task on the next day. At 8.30pm I turn on my laptop and freshen up after a bath and make myself a cup of warm water. I was in a casual attire with my glasses on, a stress face me with a brainstorming mind of what expectation should be happen next.
I was busy with my work while planning to take 1 hour rest reading a book before bed by 10pm. However something bad happened at 9.30pm...UNEXPECTEDLY.
My computer jammed.
My Excel malfunctioned.
I can't shut down my laptop due to the error of excel.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUDGE?!
Oh my gosssh!
Excel Name Conflict... What the hell is this man? And then I remembered that I try to make the same copy of an excel sheet in the same folder and it refused me to do that. (My manager taught me to copy-paste a new layout to a new excel sheet instead of create a copy of the same layout)
Didn't expected this to happen!
I want my work done by tonight and all I care is about my mental wellbeing. I panicked and my face started to become fully red and tears shedding.
Sobbing silently and yelled to myself: Please Please why??
I immediately delete the excel file and deleted it in the recycle folder. But still it won't go away....I can't open a new excel when the current one is stuck with name conflict.
WHYYYYYYYY????? WHYYYY MACBOOK AIR WHYYYY??
I pressed all keys on my laptop keyboard, I hit a small bang on my laptop. I nearly crush my laptop on the floor while yelling WHY.
Have I gone this mad?
No is not mad but disappointing.
I am sad that Excel created another problems to me and I yet to figure out the solution.
Where the eff solution is GOOGLE? YOUTUBE? WINDOWS?
NEVER EVER DO WINDOWS SOFTWARE IN APPLE PRODUCTS.
OR IT BECOME LIKE MY SITUATION.
LESSON LEARNED ~
The reason I hate it so much of doing work in an Apple product. Not my cup of tea and not my kind of thing for work. Why on earth will I want to switch to Apple if I have grown up with Windows in my past primary to college years? Even Apple has its own benefits but NOT to me. I'm a Window user and will always use Microsoft Software for work and never ever choose Apple for my work because majority of SME company are still practicing with Windows. Unlike our generation, the Millennial era perhaps mostly preferred in new products and brands in their work life. I am not saying that I hate changes, it just that I want things work properly in my own way, in my own comfortable environment where I can get things done and organise daily. That's my only goal.
When shit happens what's the next thing to do? Google and Youtube lah.
I googled and youtube, looking for answers for solution and try to solve the problem. But guess what? The tutorials is in another language (Tamil language bro) and the hell I understand their explanation? To be honest, I was at my lowest part on that day and it was a terrified moment to me related to work, something I will never share until when the time is right.
Google not helping.
Youtube either.
I texted my boyfie but he yet to respond. Continuously, I press 'ESC' button and the shut down button but still fail. I started to cry like a lost baby. I cried and ask for help in my own room. My body was shaking like crazy, my mind was twilling around like a coaster and felt emptiness. My panic attack risen and I felt the strength of my body decrease rapidly. I was at my weakest timing during that hour and I never felt so lost.
What I should do?
What can I do? How bloody distress am I.
How the fudge Google and Youtube failed me. I see no answers, I see no solution for the problem. I am my most weakest point right now. The instruction of Windows in Google not helping either. All I see is explanation but no solution. I don't get it?
I texted my sister and she came to me immediately (She was on video-call with her boyfie). And she saw my red face full of tears. I was so angry and stress at the point of no energy to continue my work when this problem happens.
My sister tried to delete the excel file but fail, tried to press 'ESC' but failed. In the end, she decided to click "Force Quit" at the left side of the small Apple logo above the screen. And it did. DONE.
So Force Quit is the fxxking answer ~
She saw how terrible my condition was and asked me to stop and do tomorrow in office since I look so tired.
I refused because I need to do my work no matter what.
15 minutes later, I did not finish.
My sister is right and I was so tired of doing the unfinished business. I need to except that work will never end. Don't stress yourself or let your mental wellbeing affect badly by unfinished duties after working hours. It was unworthy to spend time on your resting hours at home doing all these.
I washed my face and go back to bed and sleep.
The amount of stress piling up day by day due to the recent holiday trip plan is in April 2024.
I need to look for cat hotel and I need to make preparations of the holiday trip.
There's another side of the story I am not willing to share.
Until here.
The older I get, the more and more I realize that there are always going to be parts of life that are totally and utterly out of my control. In fact, learning how to just go with the flow and taking things as they come is probably the most undervalued life skill around.
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